jayluuuuxo [:

jayluuxo

about me.

-- gir graphictee & greenblack squarescarf from lynne --x

-» jenny benny luuuu - ster ! :]
-» january 14th -- 14 years kid
-» boston latin school -- class of 2O'13 -- in my freshhhman♥ yearrr ;] .
-» residing in murrderrr massssachusetttts -- bostonnniannn -- dorchesterrriannn.
-» i love love love bubble tea and orange&vanilla ice cream[: loveee it♥ -- & for some reason the smell of coconut is ridiculously amazing to me.
-» half chinese [cantonese] half vietnamese [don't speak it] but i love love love koreans [wanting to learn it]!
-» girls are bitches (: except mine. [michelle nguyen - my mother & wifey] & [edalina wang - my wifey also]
-» bigbangin' babyyy -- snsd -- wonder girls -- epik high -- clazziquai -- the pillows -- gorillaz -- loveholic -- OLIVIA ONG -- my many faves.
-» i am now singleeeee to mingle :].
-» i use aim, rarely ; jayluuuuxo :] talk to me. though i mostly text and go on facebook.

.themfries

thee lovelyyys.

[ michelle & edalina <3 my lovely wifeys :) freshmanyear ]

describe me in one word if possible --x

Michelle Nguyen; LOVE ♥

Wallace; Pulchritudinous funny pretty cute creepy sneaky beautiful cool awesome unique original creative adorable longhair blackhair lovely pretty attractive charming delightful heavenly lovable admirable elegant gorgeous graceful lovely stunning wonderful likeable sweet nice rare precious fascinating entertaining hilarious fantastic and a lot more
Quynh; Crazy
Lyn; Ninja
Jenniberr; Weird <33
Eddielinarrs; STUNNIN' [:
Natalie; Adorable
Lena; Adorable <333
Adri; FRIKKENAWESOMEE<33
Courtney; Weird inthe best way evr tho
Ayemee; AWESOMEE :]
Phillip; Spontaneous
Win; Awesome
Gio; Small
Juliee; Hyper xD
Loc; Loves to give hugs, fun to talk to, unique

.itunage

lolli lolli poppinn'.

--this music player contains 30+ songs [: enjoy--x

Sunday, December 20, 2009

12/20/2009 01:45:00 AM

(: winter vacation is almost hereee!

:] it seems so stupid how long it's been, but i still can't let you go. now i have your tie and i just can't stop you from invading my mind. no matter how hard i try not to think about it, it always comes back.

it is now around 1:50 AM and i'm pretty darn tired, but it snowing :D yay! we're supposed to have like 4-5 inches of snow. although we will most likely still have school of course on monday.

aghh. i've been so stressed out lately. stupid school work, christmas presents and such. then theres family things and my parents are just too over rated. plus wallace. and the fact that i'll most likely have nothing to do on christmas. ughhh. it's been so lonely now a days. :l i miss being loved. it seemed so much easier when we all had someone to be there for you not as a friend but something more. it just gives you that little reason of why we want to live but then when we don't have it anymore. we hope for it, and each time its a disappointment and so we die a little bit every time.

although its been verryyyyy long since then, and i know he'll never come back. i don't plan on having anymore relationships until i really like anyone. for now, i just don't have anymore hopes and i know that no one else likes me. so i give up, i give up on relationships because i know, once it starts it's going to end badly. so i give up :l . and i definitely know i'm going to like someone or think someones hot but i can say that they'll never like me back and that when i dooo get into one. its going to just be too much stress and what not. so i just give up. for now i'll live my little life simple with out any interference and if anyone doesss like me then i'm sorry but i'm going to turn you down straight up if i really have no feelings or intentions of being with you. especially since i know i'm not going to be good enough for you nor will i ever reach to your standards.

i'm just a complete failure. i'm the mistake child.. i really am. well at least thats how i see it when i'm always compared to other kids who are better than me by far in looks, intelligence, and personality. i might as well die but if i did then you'd be mad that you wasted so much time, effort, and money on me just for me to die at such a young age. but i can't and even i can't attemp to do such things. i'm sorry that i'm not that perfet child like my brother that you've always wanted. i'm sorry that i'm really stupid and that i'm not smart enough to get all A's and B's. And i'm sorry for being so rude all the time and being so undescribably ugly, but you made me. so you can't blame absolutely everything on me nor on other people. but blame it on yourself too, that i became this way. you may think that i'm probably the worst child you have ever had and i know i am. but really? i'm the worst person or child in the whole world and that i dont appreciate you nor anything you do for me? really? do you really think that? and why is it that you always yell at me for everythinggg but yet you talk to calmly to my brother like you praise him each and every day? why is it that he is treated better than me? did i do something wrong? did i ever intend to hurt you in any way? i don't understand. no matter how hard i try and even if i try my best, i'm never good enough for you.

i've been quite depressed lately, so depressed that i could burst and explode at any moment. i'm very sensitive and take most things to heart even if its only for a joke or playing around i can understand but sometimes you have to learn to stop or else it just hurts. if you even yelled at me the slightest bit or got really mad at me or anything. i'd feel so sad, that right now, at my current state, i'd really just ridiculously burst into tears. i really just don't have much of anything but stress on my mind. i thought too much about everything this week and its just been really too hectic and chaotic for me. it just all sets me off and make me out of it. so i really don't even get how to go through with all this stress during this 'happy season'. it really isn't very happy nor cheerful at all to me. it seems more depressing, cold, and difficult for me. it just makes me feel like, i'm starting to die and decay inside..

i don't know anything anymore 2:15 AM.