jayluuuuxo [:

jayluuxo

about me.

-- gir graphictee & greenblack squarescarf from lynne --x

-» jenny benny luuuu - ster ! :]
-» january 14th -- 14 years kid
-» boston latin school -- class of 2O'13 -- in my freshhhman♥ yearrr ;] .
-» residing in murrderrr massssachusetttts -- bostonnniannn -- dorchesterrriannn.
-» i love love love bubble tea and orange&vanilla ice cream[: loveee it♥ -- & for some reason the smell of coconut is ridiculously amazing to me.
-» half chinese [cantonese] half vietnamese [don't speak it] but i love love love koreans [wanting to learn it]!
-» girls are bitches (: except mine. [michelle nguyen - my mother & wifey] & [edalina wang - my wifey also]
-» bigbangin' babyyy -- snsd -- wonder girls -- epik high -- clazziquai -- the pillows -- gorillaz -- loveholic -- OLIVIA ONG -- my many faves.
-» i am now singleeeee to mingle :].
-» i use aim, rarely ; jayluuuuxo :] talk to me. though i mostly text and go on facebook.

.themfries

thee lovelyyys.

[ michelle & edalina <3 my lovely wifeys :) freshmanyear ]

describe me in one word if possible --x

Michelle Nguyen; LOVE ♥

Wallace; Pulchritudinous funny pretty cute creepy sneaky beautiful cool awesome unique original creative adorable longhair blackhair lovely pretty attractive charming delightful heavenly lovable admirable elegant gorgeous graceful lovely stunning wonderful likeable sweet nice rare precious fascinating entertaining hilarious fantastic and a lot more
Quynh; Crazy
Lyn; Ninja
Jenniberr; Weird <33
Eddielinarrs; STUNNIN' [:
Natalie; Adorable
Lena; Adorable <333
Adri; FRIKKENAWESOMEE<33
Courtney; Weird inthe best way evr tho
Ayemee; AWESOMEE :]
Phillip; Spontaneous
Win; Awesome
Gio; Small
Juliee; Hyper xD
Loc; Loves to give hugs, fun to talk to, unique

.itunage

lolli lolli poppinn'.

--this music player contains 30+ songs [: enjoy--x

Monday, July 20, 2009

7/20/2009 08:11:00 PM

SUMMER VOLUNTEERING! :]

so yeah, i've been volunteering at KKCS [Kwong Kow Chinese School] it's right under ABCD. it's been about a little over a month since i've been going there. it's pretty fun, i get to take care and play with kids. in addition to that, i meet new people. its pretty close to where wallace lives so that was a plus on going volunteering there. but when ever i pass by or think about wallace it hurts even worse. i've cried so many times the past two months just over him. he doesn't understand how much i really want him. so every time i think about him i think to myself ; he doesn't care, he will never go out with me ever again, he's never going to have the same feelings as he did before, all that happened between me and him was just a complete waste of his time, he doesn't ever even wanna see or be near me again. in the end i'm still missing him. a lot.

anyway, other than that. i've been feeling a bit lonely and sad. everyone in the family has friends to chill and stuff and most of them are happy and occupied with their lives. i'm already going to be in high school. 9th grade. yet i'm not very happy. everyone in the family is separating farther and farther apart from eachother. the feelings in the past have become long gone. now all we can say is 'i wish thing were like they were in the past, when the family was closer...' . it gets me really depressed now a days to think about whats going on around me. the thought of being so lonely, the thought of everyone progressing forward and soon everyones going t be married and not have enough time for more family time. people have changed so much; brian is in college and i always miss him being at home to boost out the silence, meg is going to college and she has almost a completely different world where family isn't even close to being there, evan is just doing whatever the hell he wants and giving no shit about family but hes nice and he gives the slightest warmth, jack is still just there trying to make the family happier and successful, lynne is always there now and worrying for everything about family and friends and shes basically the best thing thats ever happened to the family. but she has alot of work and she goes to her job so she doesn't have much free time to see us, meaning the family. then theres also melly, we barely ever get to see her unless on rare occasions. she spends almost all her time studying to get a masters degree or doctors degree, and she tries really hard, she helps the family alot too. but now, i'm always just there. i'm never of any help. i'm only 14 and i can't do anything to help the family. i'm of no use to them, and no one ever needs me.

since it's now summer. i miss a lot of friends from school. i've long realized how boring life can be and i really miss the fun old days when i was younger. when life wasn't so disatisfying. now when ever i'm alone i almost always end up crying to myself, or just get depressed. then i feel so stupid for it. i cry so easily when i get yelled at or when i have a feeling of something being wrong like if someone dislikes me i get sad or if i'm left out of the group i get really depressed and think about all the things that're wrong with myself: my flaws in my personality or chracter traits.

at KKCS, theres these college students who work there and they're my 'friends' there: henry, ben, richard, brian, brandon, victor, and a 10th grader adam, plus a lot of other people. but thats not the point. the point is, when ever i hang out with them i feel so out of place like i don't belong there because they're all much older than me and they're all guys and i'm just a little girl thats just there to be there. then adam comes along, he has a girlfriend but then they broke up, and his girlfriend is cindy. he told me that she got jealous of me for talking to him. so i was like wtf? i just said hi... and so yeah. but later on they broke up over some other arguement. and out of no where, now hes always trying to hang out with me and he's a bit too touchy. when cindy came to KKCS she already thought henry was cute and so two days before the break up she and henry were always together and she called him her new "best friend" . now they're always together in contact. so when i was talking to adam i was like, so i guess cindy's the big flirt. but then he replies no i'm the big flirt. then i was like oh... and now that he's been hanging out with me so much he's always too touchy and flirty. and it gets me really uncomfortable because i'm not like that, i only wanna be his friend. he makes it seem like he wants me bad because he keeps bugging me all the time, tries to stay with me everywhere and tries to make me go home late to stay with him longer, hes always trying to hold my hand, hes always hugging me like forever when i'm giving a small goodbye hug and won't let me go home, and hes always trying to have contact with me no matter what. so just to not be so mean i'm trying to avoid him little by little. he keep trying to make me get out of KKCS at 4 although i'm supposed to leave at 6. then he's always making me go on lunch break with him. i feel bad for him but he seriously has to give me some space. like seriouslyyyyy. i'm sorry but i don't like you like that. i like wallace way more than anyone else at the moment, and i'm not really planning on changing that.

nowadays, i just wanna be single and only go out with the people that wanna go out with me that i wanna go out with. i don't wanna have another fucked up relationship with a dumbass motherfuckin' bastard like vincent. i really hated him. he is seriously the worst everrrrr; to even know such a person i am sorry for you. so yeah. it's been over a month that i haven't written anything. it's always basically the same old things; sad, depressed, feeling a bit left out, lonely, wallace... i miss him a whole bunch. but it can't be helped. so far, i've cried a lot over little things. i think i've become more serious, and the slightest itsy witsy bit more mature than usual. this life of mine is really boring me. i really dread this life, and... i don't want to go on.

everything is always bottled up inside me until i post it up on this blog for like no one to read it. its really stupid. people are always like 'wow, she smiles too much. shes always too happy and having fun.' blah blah blah. i'm such a depressed stupid little girl. i'm always the friend type of person. no one ever likes me more than just a friend. well at least those whom i do like. they only think of me as a friend. my heart has been hurting a lot lately. i'm in such a state of depression that even it can not be found or seen by others.